I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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