i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
