We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
