i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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