Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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