Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
