i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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