But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
