What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
