I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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