I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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