as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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