there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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