don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
