i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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