i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
