I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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