I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
