thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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