The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Are my feet made of real feet?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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