U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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