Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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