I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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