Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
