She is in my trunk
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found the puke drawer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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