needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
