I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
