Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
