She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
