She's JV to your varsity
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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