If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
