Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
