I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
