Small penises have feelings too.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
