I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
