I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
