Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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