Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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