i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
