I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
