I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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