Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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