I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
