The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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