I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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