I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
