he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
