So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
