just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
