Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
