Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
