I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize