I didn't shave. On purpose
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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