she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
