I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
