Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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