How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
