I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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