By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
