Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she told me i tasted like america
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
